Written on Our Hearts: Our Agreements for Real Community

Real community isn’t built by accident. It’s built with intention—and re-built every time we come together.

That’s why we start with simple agreements. Not rules. Not policies. Agreements. Ways of being together that don’t just manage behavior but invite belonging. In our work, we return again and again to four foundational ones:

1. Speak from the Heart

Say what is real for you. Not what sounds polished. Not what sounds “right.” Speaking from the heart is an act of courage. It doesn’t mean you have to share everything—it means that what you do share comes from a place of sincerity, vulnerability, and groundedness.

When we speak from the heart, we make space for honesty without performance. We bring our lived experience into the room, and we give others a chance to truly meet us—not the version of ourselves we think they want, but our actual self. That’s how trust starts.

And in communities where trust grows, so does truth. Not a single version of it, but a deeper collective understanding of what’s real for each of us.

2. Listen from the Heart

Listening is not a passive act. It’s not just what we do while we wait our turn to speak. Listening from the heart asks us to be present, to put down our assumptions and our need to fix or respond, and instead open ourselves to receive.

This kind of listening is not always easy—especially in moments of tension, disagreement, or discomfort. But those are the moments when it matters most. When someone is offering their understanding of the truth, our role is not to weigh it or correct it. Our role is to bear witness.

Listening from the heart is how we let others know: You matter. Your voice has value here. I may not see things the way you do, but I’m here to hear you.

That kind of attention is rare. In community, it must be sacred.

3. Respect the Voice Speaking

Respect is more than being quiet when someone else is talking. It’s more than politeness. It’s about presence. When we respect the voice speaking, we tune in. We turn our bodies toward the speaker. We put phones down, close laptops, and pause side conversations. We communicate with our full selves: I am here with you.

This doesn’t mean we always agree. It doesn’t mean we silence our own questions or emotions. But it does mean that we acknowledge the weight and worth of each voice—especially when that voice is offering something personal, vulnerable, or hard to say.

And when we offer our voices to the group, we model the same respect we hope to receive. We know that speaking into a respectful space is a responsibility, not just a right.

Respect is reciprocal. And when it is felt, people speak more boldly and listen more generously.

4. Share Just Enough

In every community space, there’s a rhythm—a flow of dialogue, emotion, and presence. “Sharing just enough” means we learn to honor that rhythm. We offer what’s needed for connection and clarity, but we don’t dominate the space, overshare to process in public, or retreat into silence when our voice is needed.

This is about discernment, not censorship. It’s about asking: What does this space need from me right now? Sometimes that answer is honesty. Sometimes it’s brevity. Sometimes it’s knowing that just because I can say something doesn’t mean I need to.

When we practice sharing just enough, we make room for others. We don’t fill the silence out of habit or fear. We trust that what needs to be said will be said—and that we are one of many voices in the circle.

These Agreements Are Our Anchors

These four agreements—speak from the heart, listen from the heart, respect the voice speaking, and share just enough—are not revolutionary because they’re complicated. They’re powerful because they’re simple. They ask us not to be perfect, but to be present.

And presence is what builds real community.

These agreements are not written on a wall to impress visitors. They’re written on our hearts to remind ourselves. We bring them into the room each time we gather. We say them aloud. We hold each other gently accountable. Not because we want control—but because we want connection.

Whatever your community’s agreements are, I encourage you to keep them:

• Simple enough that everyone can remember them

• Intentional enough that everyone can feel them

• Frequent enough that no one forgets them

They are not the end of the work. They are the beginning. A shared ground we stand on when we feel divided. A compass we return to when we lose our way. A promise to each other that in this space, we choose to show up with care.

Because how we are together determines what we can build together.